• Kristine Joy

Respect – the Energy You Need

The energy of respect is so essential for anyone that has healthy boundaries. But a lot of people do not require respect from others. Most people have been taught to give respect to people of authority – law enforcement, doctors, teachers, employers, and family. But while you may be giving it to others are you demanding the same in return? A definition of respect is regard for the feelings, wishes, rights or traditions of others. You may read that and immediately think outwardly. Showing or giving respect to others. But how often do we view it inwardly? Are your needs being respected? Are you being treated well? Are others taking your needs into consideration? If you do not expect or demand respect from others your energy is unbalanced. You are always in the giving energy and not in the receiving. So how can we find the right balance for you? How do you know if you are unbalanced? Is the need for respect becoming louder and louder for you?


For a lot of people your demands for respect have been asleep or dormant for a long time. While others may have mastered the skill of healthy boundaries. And there are some that abuse the energy of respect and demand more than they give. Or even unfairly abuse authority and the respect that is easily given. The point is to get more aware of the energy of respect and determine the right balance for you. For many it can be a loud awaking happening. You start to see situations differently and feeling emotions like anger and resentment. You may have been so unbalanced for so long that now you must make a change. While the feeling might be strong it can also be a confusing, difficult, lonely and yes an icky process.


If you were brought up in an environment where your needs were not respected and the focus was always on others, it is likely boundaries were foreign to you. You might not have even know you could have boundaries. Then you continue the pattern and attract people that require a lot of attention and may give little in return. Because of this you may have trained yourself that love is only received if earned. Or that you didn’t deserve any at all. It is hard for a healthy person with healthy boundaries to imagine this but yes there are many people that have never received the love and respect they so deserve in life. But the good news is this can change. Many people are discovering that yes, their needs do matter and yes, they must start requiring respect in their lives.


So how can you start identifying and realizing if you have respect in your life? Take a good honest look around you. Look at work, family, friendships, and relationships. Do you have a good set of rules for people in your life? Do they know the rules of how to treat or love you? Are you openly expressing those rules to them? If a person doesn’t know the rules, how can you expect them to follow them? For example, you probably have rules for your home. Take off your shoes, no running in the house, use a coaster, don’t eat all the food, don’t break things, and on and on. If you re-enforce them people know the rules and if they don’t respect them, they are not allowed in your home. The same goes for your personal energy. What are your rules on how you will be treated? What is respect to you? Do you have healthy boundaries, and do you know how to enforce them?


When you first start demanding respect in your life it can be quite confusing. Because again you have been trained to look outwardly. Asking permission to ask for respect. Is it ok for me to do this? Have I earned the right to? But no one can give you the permission to do so. Only you can decide when it is time and when you feel you deserve respect. And the hardest part, you must be ok if people choose not to respect your rules and choose to leave your life. For a people pleaser or giver this can be extremely hard. If you are always trying to earn love or gain approval you will always bend to others. The reality is we can’t please everyone nor should we. Some people will respect your rules, and some won’t. Just as you choose whether you want to respect someone’s rules or walk away.


Take some time to define what respect means to you. Understand what your current boundaries and rules are to be in your life and what you may want to change. Decide it is ok to enforce the rules with work, friends, relationships and family. Be ok with the consequences if people choose not to be in your life because of your rules. Decide if you are ok still playing by the rules of others in your life. Does it still match or respect your needs? Know that everyone has the right to create the rules they want to have people in their life. And everyone has a choice to decide if those rules are acceptable. Just as you are starting to ask for respect also give it to others. Find the people or situations you resonate with that match your needs. Clearly state your new rules to the current people in your life and let them decide if they can adjust. Have compassion with yourself and others as you discover the new you and the new respect that you demand and deserve. Give yourself the permission to redefine respect and see what a difference it can make in your life and energy!


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