The word emotions can bring a wide range of thoughts and experiences. Some people have a good relationship with their emotions, while others may struggle. Some feel comfortable freely sharing their emotions and being vulnerable. While others may feel guarded or weak at the idea of being vulnerable. Emotions can be a beautiful gift to share with others. And emotions can be a powerful weapon and hurt someone if used without respect. We may feel that having a negative thought or emotion is wrong and only positive emotions are good. Or we may honor all our emotions and see them as sensors to what is really going on with us. So how can we start to understand our relationship with our emotions? How can we get better balance in experiencing our emotions?
First let’s understand what emotions are and how they are described. Emotion is defined as a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort. You might say it is a reaction to other people, situations, or experiences. Essentially how we feel about something can be expressed through our emotions. If we love something, we may share happiness and joy. If we fear something we may be afraid, have anxiety or anxiousness. Our emotions can be indicators of how something makes us feel, or even a warning system. You may think anger is a bad emotion, but what if it helps you to recognize when you are not being treated well? All of our emotions are important to us to sense what resonates with us and what doesn’t.
Instead of thinking of emotions of good or bad, see that all are necessary to have healthy balance. Feeling mad or angry about something is not wrong. It could indicate someone is overstepping a boundary or you are being treated unfairly. If you have bad intentions and purposely send anger to someone that is different. Next time you feel anger towards a person or situation assess why you are feeling that way and what are your intentions. If it’s hard for you to feel anger think about why? Where you allowed to express your feelings growing up? Was your anger turned against you? You may have had emotionally immature people around that couldn’t allow you to express feelings that we consider negative. Even expressing sadness or neediness could feel bad to share if it was not respected or honored.
If you have had negative experiences with expressing emotions, you are not alone. Some may view you as quiet or introverted. You may be easy going and not express your needs. But more than likely it is because you were taught or in situations that your emotions were seen as an inconvenience. But not everyone treats emotions the same way. Emotions can be wonderful to share with others. To let them know how you feel so they can honor and respect you and your needs. What if you went to the same restaurant with a friend because they liked it. You never did but were afraid to express it? A good friend would feel horrible to go somewhere you didn’t like. They would want to know. You aren’t hurting them by expressing yourself. Try to re-assess who you surround yourself with. Do they honor and respect your emotions and feelings? Or do they manipulate, disrespect, or dismiss your emotions?
Know that all emotions are normal. You have the right to express them. You aren’t hurting someone by expressing them. You are not bad for thinking ill of a situation or person when you are upset. What your emotions are doing is telling you something is off or wrong. Or they may tell you when something is wonderful and right! Don’t shut down and ignore these wonderful sensors in your body. Don’t try to control them and always be positive. Don’t be afraid to express and share them. They are wonderful gifts that can help you navigate the world easier. Situations and people always change around you so expect to feel good and bad emotions at any time. And remember the emotions are not bad, and neither are you. They help us assess situations or people around us that are either in or out of alignment with us. Then we can make changes and adjust as needed. Start honoring all your emotions to have a healthier more balanced life.