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Fixing vs Loving

Everyone has different ways of expressing care or concern for others. Some people offer love and others may try to fix. Each of these has a different energy that is given and received. Some might feel that loving someone is done by fixing them. But fixing implies that something is broken or needs change. While unconditional love is given with acceptance of a person just as they are. Fixing can come from a place of good intention, but the energy received may feel harsh. Fixing can also come from bad intention to make someone feel less than or not as good as the person giving the energy. Fixing can also be done by people that lack empathy and are trying to mimic love in a form that looks like care or concern. Fixing energy can be very confusing for people to receive. So how can we start understanding the energy of fixing vs loving? Can we clearly define it and the intention behind it?


Understanding that fixing is not loving energy is crucial in any healing or transformational journey. Someone that already suffers from low self-esteem or looks to others for advice or direction can be very susceptible to people willing to fix. Allowing others to tell them what is right or wrong about their life and choices. Even telling them what their value is and what needs to be “fixed”. Some people make a profession out of fixing people. They may have the right intentions of helping but they may be re-enforcing old issues by coming at it with a fixing mentality. Some may feel they did their job well if they can fix someone. But that implies that there is something wrong with someone. And ultimately who determines what is good enough to be considered fixed?


When going on your own healing or transformational journey be sure to understand what you really want? Do you want help moving through an issue? Do you want advice? Do you want change in your life? And if so, why? Do you want to improve in areas? Is that coming from a place of low self-esteem or low self-worth? Do you feel that you need to be fixed? Or are you craving acceptance and unconditional love? If you feel you need to be fixed, chances are you will draw in a coach, therapist or healer that also views you as broken or needs fixing. If you want to love yourself more and learn acceptance you will likely draw in the help that matches and supports that energy.


Highly empathic people tend to attract narcissists or sociopaths in their lives. Why? Because they are comfortable giving away their power to others. Allowing others to fix them or run their life. Empaths may be attracted to a narcissist mimicking love by offering to fix them. Narcissists tend to mimic emotions or care since they lack feeling them. So, one of the easiest things to express is the offer to fix. But it also feeds the need to control and manipulate someone’s energy. In this case fixing can feel like someone is loving you when it is manipulating or harming you. Where unconditional love shows respect, care and compassion for a person. Accepting them as they are and offering support or advice.


Look at what you feel needs fixing in your life. Is it coming from your own thoughts or someone outside of you. Does it feel loving or critical? Why do you feel you need to fix it to be loved? Do you feel like you are not worthy or deserving? Now look at something you want to heal, change, improve or transform. Does this feel loving and supportive? Does it feel possible and uplifting? Does it feel like receiving? It’s important to understand where the need for change is coming from and what is driving it. It may reveal the bigger issue that is holding you back from truly loving yourself. Do you need to heal or transform old beliefs about yourself? Do you need to stop giving such importance to other people’s opinion of you? Is it time to participate in more loving, supportive and kind energy instead of harsh criticizing and fixing energy?


Notice where you are fixing vs loving in your life. Observe how you show and share love with others. Instead of trying to fix a problem, show love, compassion and hold space. Be able to sit in the uncomfortable energy of emotions without trying to fix and instead just feel. Try having more awareness of loving vs fixing energy. Help it guide you to more love and acceptance of yourself and others. The more you do this the more peaceful and loving your life can be!

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