Responsibility

How much responsibility do you carry? Do you feel overly responsible for other people? Do you take on too much responsibility in interactions with friends, family, relationships and co-workers? Do you feel like your actions directly influence someone’s emotions? Are you riddled with guilt for things you are not responsible for? So many people are finding that they take on too much responsibility in their lives. I know it sounds weird, right? We normally stress to be more responsible and do the right thing. We try and teach children to be responsible. Which yes is healthy and a good thing to do. But what if you take on too much responsibility? What if you are unbalanced and it negatively affects your life? How can we understand what a healthy balance of responsibility is?

Have you ever met someone that constantly apologizes for things? They may step in front of your path and overly apologize for getting in your way. They may feel terrible that they did something wrong to you. They take on full responsibility for the interaction. But there were two people involved. Both may have accidentally bumped into each other. Neither had ill intent nor wanted to harm the other person. But one of them takes full responsibility for the incident. They blame themselves for not paying attention, or walking too fast, or not adjusting to the other person fast enough. This is a small example of how a person can take on too much responsibility in a situation. Seeing it as all their fault. They never even have the thought that the other person may have some responsibility too.

Now imagine someone doing that with everything in their life. Always taking the blame. Always trying to fix. Even when the other person involved doesn’t blame or accuse them. They may even say not it’s not your fault it’s mine. But when a person has an unhealthy balance of responsibility they will always assume they are at fault. And unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime of stress, constant fatigue and unhappiness. It can also bring unhealthy relationships, living and working situations. Where people may take advantage of this imbalance. If someone wants to take the blame the majority of the time, it can invite in manipulators or controllers.

There are varying degrees of how much responsibility a person takes on. Some may be extreme while others are just slightly off balance. While others have a healthy balance and can set good boundaries, expectations and not take on things they are not responsible for. And unfortunately, there are people that take very little or no responsibility. So, if a person takes on responsibility all the time, they will likely attract people and situations that take no responsibility. That cycle continues until the person starts to adjust their balance of responsibility. That is why it can be so challenging to make changes or draw in healthy relationships and situations.

There are many reasons why someone may have developed taking too much responsibility in their lives. They may be sensitive or empathic and can feel the direct response their actions have to people. They may have been taught their needs don’t matter or they were always at fault. They may have had overly domineering or controlling people in their life and don’t know any other way. But no matter how it all started the good news is you can heal, get awareness and develop and healthier balance of responsibility. Start by realizing there are more people involved in a situation that just you. Think about car insurance, by just being involved in an accident both parties are always a percentage at fault. So, start by realizing that it’s not just you at the scene of the incident.

Try putting healthy ownership on what other people say or do. Look at their actions and not at the explanation. Try to pause when you automatically start apologizing. Then ask, should I apologize for this? Realize no one is perfect and neither are you. Everyone makes mistakes but look at your intent. Did you intend to hurt someone? Did they take it that way? Maybe the issue is them and not you? Start to question interactions with people more. Reflect on things after the emotions have calmed down and see what really happened. The more you can do this the more you can start to see what healthy balance of responsibility is needed. Slowly make changes, stop apologizing, have better boundaries and hold others accountable. Start to make the changes in your life for balanced responsibility and see how different your life can be.