A strong message that keeps coming through for myself and many of my clients is finding balance. Specifically finding balance of giving and receiving. It might sound simple and you may think you’re doing it but take a hard look at yourself. First are you normally the giver in most relationships or the receiver? Most people reading this are likely going to be the giver. You’re probably the person that always goes out of your way to help other people, put their needs first, always offering to help even when exhausted. You’ll volunteer to help an event, offer to host a party, bring more food, share more time. You probably make sure everyone around you is feeling good, having a fun time and are doing and receiving what they want. If this all sounds familiar, then you are definitely the giver.
Being a giver can feel very satisfying. You help people and see the good that comes from that. But what if you only give and never receive? That can cause a very unhealthy lifestyle where you become unsatisfied and exhausted. You are putting all of your energy into giving to others, but do you ever open the door to receive? Now I know a lot of you just laughed and thought well no one offers to give back to me? Is that really true? Are you actually being open to receive? It is not that people are not offering to give to you, you are just so use to being the giver you don’t know how to receive.
Let’s start off small. Think of someone giving you a compliment on what your wearing. Do you say oh this old thing? Or dismiss the compliment in some other way? Or do you simply say thank you? If your saying thanks your open to receive, if your dismissing the compliment you just rejected receiving. Say someone offers to buy you coffee or lunch. Do you argue with them and say no I got this? Or do you say that is so nice of you thank you? Again, are you open to receive the nice gesture? What if you worked a lot of extra hours during the week and a family member offers to cook dinner or clean the house? Do you say oh no you’re not going to do it right or I don’t want to go our of your way? Or do you say wow that would mean a lot to me, thank you? Are you starting to see the pattern? These are simple things, but you can easily see if you are open to receive or not.
If you are a giver then receiving can feel really weird and even selfish at times. You may have surrounded yourself with people who normally receive or take from others. They love that you are the giver and that is the agreement you had with them when you first entered the relationship. If you expect that person to give to you, they might not be able to because they are the “extreme receiver” while you are the "extreme giver”. They are not used to giving and you are not used to receiving. And that cycle keeps perpetuating and it can be very difficult to change.
So how can you start to tip the scales and become a moderate giver and receiver and find balance? First be more conscious of being open to receive. If someone offers you a compliment, cup of coffee, lunch or more simply say thank you and receive it. This can come from strangers at first and then you start to attract more people in your life that are more balance and can give and receive equally. You will start to shift your energy and open the door to receive. This will help to balance your energy so you’re not as tired or drained all the time. It also allows you more energy to continue to give to people that you want to help.
Start to be more conscious of your time. Where are you putting most of your time and energy? Is it for others or do you give some to yourself? Create a pie chart and see where you spend most of your time and energy each day. Is there room for you in there even a sliver? Then create a chart of what you receive each day from yourself and others. Do you have anything to even fill in the chart? It can be very eye opening to write it all out.
Work on your belief system of what receiving means to you? Does it trigger feelings of selfishness or do you feel like you don’t deserve? Here is a big lesson to understand….we ALL DESERVE. There is nothing special about you that says you do not deserve just as much as your giving to others. Love yourself enough to receive from others and yourself.
Be careful about setting expectations. Just because you would give the world to someone even on a day you were sick doesn’t mean someone else would do that for you nor should they. Don’t measure what people give to you based on how much you do for others. Most likely no one will ever measure up. Receive what people can give you. It may be as simple as a smile or saying hello. Just because someone does not give you a grand gesture or go out of their way to do something does not mean they don’t care or love you as much as you love them. Everyone has s different definition of what love is. And if you are a giver you likely expect as much or more of what you give out. But again, is that even realistic? Instead be grateful for what people can or do give and be open to receive it without expectation.
Start to think about how you can be more open to receiving in your life? What can you start doing to open that door to receive from others? Put out positive intentions that you are open to receive, and you will attract good things. Keep realistic expectations of what people can give. Believe you deserve positive energy, love and respect from others. Start surrounding yourself with more balanced people and spend less time with the “extreme receivers”. It is up to you to choose to have more balance in your life. If you’re ready to feel more energized and balanced, then it’s time to choose a healthy life of giving and receiving!