Energetic Servant

I was reminded of that hit tv show Downton Abbey the other day. And I was thinking of the distinct roles that the people played in the household. You have an aristocratic family that owns the property and lives there. And then you have the domestic servants that worked for the family but also many live in the same household. The point of the show was to show the different perspectives and the different roles people played and how they interreacted. It made me think of how those same dynamics play out in many households, friendships, and work situations in a very energetic way. Some have the more dominant role, and their needs are the priority. While others serve and meet the energetic needs of those more dominant. But what happens when the energetic servants no longer want to play that role? What happens when they want to focus on their own energy?

Think about how you generally give and receive energy? Is it balanced or is it lopsided? Are you an over giver and focus on attending to the energetic needs of others? Do you express your needs? Are there consequences when you ask for your needs to be met? Unfortunately, many people learn a certain role early on in life. It might be a family dynamic; it might depend how sensitive you are to feeling others emotionally. You may have had emotionally unhealthy people in your life that were authority figures. Your survival to fit in, receive love or basic needs might have depended on playing the role of an energetic servant. When you learn that role early on it is only normal that you would go out in the world and keep repeating that pattern. You may keep giving and drawing in people that demand more and give little in return.

Something has happened over the past few years where the over givers are being forced to get balance in their lives. If you are one of these people you may have noticed it no longer feels good to over give or extend to others. It might actually feel repulsive to do so. You may be having a harder time connecting with people that demand a lot of attention or only need you for what you can provide them. You may no longer be drawn to work so hard in a job and give the extra hours as freely as you once did. You might finally be asking “what about my needs”?

And just like with the tv show Downton Abbey, times are changing. The energetic servants no longer want to give all their time and energy to take care of others. They found new options, new passions and new freedom to take care of their needs and receive. And that is exactly what has been happening for so many now. Because of this it forces the over givers to change. They may not like that they have to start doing more for themselves. Things might not be as easy as they were before. They even need to see others as equals and not an energetic hierarchy. That means many of your close relationships like spouses, family, friends, co-workers are going through changes. You may be gaining back so much energy for yourself. While the one you were serving is losing a valuable source of energy.

Have you been an energetic servant most of your life? Are you ready to focus on your needs, pull back your energy and put it towards self-care, passions, and healthy living? You are not being selfish by doing this. We can care about others, give them love and respect. But we should never be their main supply of energy. Healthy relationships should feel balanced. For the ones that have been benefiting from other’s energy this will be a hard change. Many will scramble and try harder to get you back as their supply. Some may cut you off and find a different supply. And this can show you that the relationship was never really what you thought it was, you were a supply for others, an energetic servant.

Take time to reflect on what your energetic role has been and how it is changing. Do you have energetic servants giving you energy or are you an energetic servant? Be honest about others who may have been using your energy. And see how they respond when you stop serving. Put intention out to receive more balanced relationships in your life. Be open to receive and practice working out any uncomfortableness. Play a different energetic role. Stop serving others and start serving yourself. Then you can see how much healthier, happier and balanced your life can be.