• Kristine Joy

Stop Playing the Unwinnable Game

I was watching someone playing a game on their tablet. After a few minutes I asked what is the point of this game? There was no real winning to it. If you completed a level, you just got another level of more of the same. But there was never going to be an endpoint to it. Just more of the same over and over. For them it was fun to keep trying the same thing. For me it was frustrating to never have a completion. Do you find those times in your life when you finally figured out that the game you are playing has no option to win? When you see it is just another level of the same thing over and over. You finally have that moment of clarity that no matter how hard you try it will never really change, there is no clear winning or end point. This awareness can happen in any area of your life – career, relationship, finances, home, etc. You may have been trying for so many years to “win” at an area of your life. Thinking if you just try a little harder or stay at it longer you might finally see it pay off. But what if there is no end point to it? What if it is truly an unwinnable game? And if so, can you make the choice to walk away from playing?

I see this with a lot of clients in their personal relationships. They are so frustrated by another person. Why can’t they see things my way? Why don’t they understand what I want and need? When will I finally get their love or approval? We can think the prize or outcome can be so great that we try as hard as we can to make it work. Or we think there are no other options, so we must make this work. But we have a choice, we have more options than we realize. We can choose NOT to play the unwinnable game. We can choose to walk away and put our energy where it can actually achieve a result. The hard part is understanding that it is a choice and being able to see it is the best choice in the situation.


Think of an area in your life where you have put so much time and energy. Constantly trying to get a winning result. Always seeing the highest potential in the situation. Thinking it must be me, if only I can try a little harder it will work. But sometimes what we think is best for us might not be. Or if it involves other people, we forget they do have a choice not to do what we think it right. Or we may need to learn the hard lesson of acceptance and walk away. Most of the time we are so driven by the idea of lack. There is only this right outcome. It won’t work another way. When we come from that perspective it limits other options to come in. Options we might not be aware of but can ultimately be much better for us. We can get caught in the fear cycle that if I do not win at this or receive this, I will never have success, happiness, love, joy, etc. But that idea of lack or the fear it creates might be the lesson that we need to overcome. Seeing beyond what we think is possible and trust what may be coming to us in better ways.


How much energy have you put into a goal or idea that has yet to manifest? What have you been missing out on other options because you are too focused on achieving this one thing? How long have you tried to force something to work that may not be right for you? Is it coming from a place of lack or scarcity? Is it coming from a stubbornness? Or is it coming from a place of lack of options or perspective. Whatever is causing you to stick it out or keep trying is likely the bigger lesson that needs to be learned and healed.


Think about what you really are trying to receive. Is it a promotion at your job? Maybe you have wanted this for a long time, to prove you made it. But what if you have already outgrown that job or company but you’re still trying to win? What if there is a better opportunity available but you can’t even see it yet because you are so focused on winning at this game? Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way and trust that the right solution or opportunity can come to us in the way it needs to. We can choose to get out of the pattern of trying to win the way we think it needs to happen. Letting go of this control or old pattern can allow different solutions to come in. Allow for good surprises to happen. Or even allow in the thing that we want most in a way that we couldn’t predict.


If you have been trying to win at something for a long time without results, take a hard look at if you even want to keep playing the game. Maybe by letting go and surrendering the universe can bring in what we really deserve in a much better way. Can you let go of the fear of not receiving and trust your intention will become reality? It might not be the unwinnable game that has been holding you back. It may be the fear of not receiving that has been the real issue. Take a look at what unwinnable games you have been playing for too long and see if you can step away and trust how you can receive what is really right for you. You might just be surprised how things can turn out in a positive way!

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