• Kristine Joy

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a hard word for a lot of people. First it usually means there is an issue that involved pain that needs to be resolved. A past that needs to be reviewed, actions that need to be re-seen, and emotions that need to be re-felt. Forgiveness is usually something that involves other people. And it is something that doesn’t always come when needed. Forgiveness can be a gift when received and a gift when given. It can have the power to heal and release old wounds. To set yourself free from the bonds of past events. Is it time in your life to forgive people, situations, or yourself? Have you been carrying the weight of responsibilities that no longer serve you? If so, then it is time to release and forgive.


A big part of your healing process is being able to forgive. By forgiving something, someone, or ourselves we no longer hold it so tight and let it continue to influence us. Forgiveness is really freedom. But giving it or receiving it can be a difficult process. Most of us hold onto those old wounds and hurts and continue to let them define us. They create the rules we live by and influence our future. Ask yourself what are you ready to let go of? What are you ready to release? Take a hard look at your life and see what you have been holding onto for so long. Is it an issue with a person that may have hurt you? Did someone “do” something to you in the past that caused pain you are still carrying today? Or did you “do” something that you feel has hurt yourself or someone else?


First let’s be realistic. If you are waiting for someone to say you were right and I was wrong before you can forgive them chances are you will never see this happen. Why you ask? Because everyone feels that they are right. Each of us lives our life the way we think is correct. We see things through our own lens and not that of others. So of course, everyone feels they are right and the other person is in the wrong. It would take a lot of effort and energy to win your case and have another person validate you by saying you were right, and I was wrong. But the good news is you really do not need to ever get validation from other people nor should you. Forgiveness comes from within yourself. You need to come to terms with what happened and learn how to heal it without the validation from someone else.


So many people continue to choose to carry the pain from past hurt and wrongs done to them. This energy continues to weigh them down and affect future relationships. You may project actions from people that hurt you onto new relationships without even knowing it. That is because you have never really healed an old hurt and forgiven the situation. When you are finally tired of carrying those old hurts and wounds, when you finally ask for a change or a new way, that is when you look to forgive. One important thing to note is that by forgiving you are not condoning what happened. You are not saying it was ok to be mistreated or mistreat others. You are finally coming to terms that yes it happened, and it was painful, but I don’t want to continue to live in that energy. I don’t want to be triggered by the pain any longer. I am ready to heal and release.


Everyone has different experiences and issues that they want and need to forgive. Some experiences can feel a little easier to forgive while others can have a lot of trauma attached. If someone has physically harmed you, emotionally abused you this can seem impossible to forgive. But you use the same process of forgiveness no matter how much trauma is involved. Again the point is to release not condone. The first place to start is with yourself, your actions, your part. Do not shame yourself for making choices that lead to a relationship or putting yourself in a situation that hurt you. Do not take on responsibility for the other person’s actions. See what really belongs to you. What was your intention in the situation? Know you do not cause behavior in others. Everyone has the right to choose how to respond to people, situations, and actions. We cannot cause someone to feel good, bad, or angry.


Separate the energy of what you did and how the other person reacted. Put ownership where it belongs and do not carry the responsibility for other people’s actions. This will allow you to see what you are truly responsible for and can separate it from another person. You can put ownership where it belongs and no longer carry that burden with you. Love yourself enough to not carry more than you own. Know that you cannot fix or change anything from the past. But you can choose how to live now in the present. Do you want to continue to re-live that situation over and over? Get triggered by the situation with similar events? Or do you want to release, heal, and forgive? Allowing yourself the true freedom that forgiveness can offer. Move forward into a new chapter of your life and choose what you want to bring along. Create a beautiful world for yourself without the past pains and hurts.


Ask yourself are you ready to heal? Are you ready to forgive? Are you ready to release the old energies that have been stopping you from living the life you truly want? If so, it’s time to be brave and take a deeper look into the past hurts. Take responsibility for what is yours and release what is not. Let go of the need to be validated or receive an apology. Start a beautiful new chapter of your life that no longer includes the old pain. Love yourself enough to do this. Make the changes needed to release the old energy and have a fresh start to a new and beautiful you!

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