• Kristine Joy

Energetic Agreements

How do we decide if we are drawn to a job, relationship, home, friendships, or experiences? Why do we suddenly leave these things when they no longer feel right? All of this is based on energetic agreements. Think of energetic agreements as contracts. We come into a relationship saying I will be this person for you. I will offer and do these things. The other person says I will accept that and offer these things in return. You both agree to the terms and the relationship can begin. Seems simple right? Because it is, we are making energetic agreements all the time in love, friendships, family, and work. We decide what we will accept in our life, what boundaries we have, and determine what is best for us at that time. We find someone to agree to our terms and we agree to theirs and then we create an energetic agreement. So how can we be more aware of what energetic agreements we are saying yes to? Can we take a closer look to see how we establish these agreements? Can we determine if old agreements still make sense in our lives and if not how to amend or break that agreement?



We all have those times in our lives when things just don’t feel right anymore. Things you once found fun and exciting just no longer appeal to you. Friendships, relationships, and jobs feel foreign or no longer resonate the same way they once did. So, what changed? How did this happen? It is because someone has changed the terms of the energetic contract. You or the other person may have healed something in your life and outgrown a need of an agreement. Now you need to re-negotiate the terms of the agreement and decide if they still work for both sides.


Let’s look at a relationship example. One person is the main giver in the relationship and one person mainly receives. The giver is someone that loves to fill people up, help them out and nurture them even to a fault. They might even be drawn to a person that needed “fixing” in their eyes or someone they thought has a lot of potential. Someone that would allow them to give as much as they wanted with asking for little or nothing in return. The other person – the receiver loves to receive without giving much or putting effort in a relationship. Both are drawn to each other because they fulfill the other’s requirements. So, they create an energetic agreement and enter into a relationship. Things may go well for a while but as time passed the giver may have changed. Suddenly they realized that they want to receive. They now want to be nurtured and taken care, but this was not part of the original agreement. So now they decide to change the terms of the energetic agreement. The new terms include receiving more love and respect. However, the receiver doesn’t want to or can't give that much energy. The receiver has the right to decide if they want to agree to the new terms or end the relationship. If the relationship ends the giver might be left wondering what went wrong? Why didn’t they love me? Why didn’t they try? Why didn’t it work?


What the giver may have failed to recognize in the example above is that they were the one asking to change the terms of the energetic agreement. The receiver may have even told them you have changed! What they agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship is no longer working for the giver and the receiver doesn’t want to accept the new terms. Unfortunately, this can be devastating because most people assume the other person did not love them enough to change. When it was actually about the negotiating the new terms of the energetic agreements.


This happens in our jobs as well. When you start with a company you were more than happy to do the work and receive the pay for what you were doing. But as time goes on you start to outgrow the role. Maybe you need more of a challenge, better title, pay or more responsibility? These are the new needs coming from you. It is you that is changing the energetic agreement. You are now asking for more not the company. You might question why can’t they see my value? Don’t they appreciate me? Don’t they want to keep me? Again, notice it was not the company changing the terms of the energetic agreement. They were quite happy keeping things as is. It was you asking for the change. So, when the company cannot provide or meet your new terms you likely find another job that will.


It can be hard to look at relationships, friendships, family or even jobs this way. Taking the emotions out and understanding the true energetic agreements that they were built on. But it does allow you to see clearly why some situations end. As we grow and change through our life, we are constantly updating our energetic agreements. Some people will happily agree with these changes and continue with us, or we do the same with them. But others may not be able to agree to the new terms and fall away from what they once were. Understand that most of the time it is not that anyone did something “wrong” but most likely that the terms have changed for one of the people involved in the energetic agreement. Be very compassionate with yourself and others as you notice these changes happening in your life.


Whether it’s a job that you have outgrown, a family dynamic, friendship, or romantic relationship take the time to reevaluate the terms of the energetic agreement. What were the terms when it started and what are the new terms now? Who changed them and why? Then decide what works best for you and how you can negotiate new terms with the person or situation or if you need to break the agreement. Be honest about what your needs are and what will truly make you happy. Look at the reality of what the other person or situation can provide. Once you do this it will be easier to make decisions and see a clear path. Respect everyone’s path and allow yourself to grow and go with your own flow. Know what energetic agreements you need in your life and see how much more fulfilling it can be!

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